Everything Must Change….

That’s today’s soundtrack. Listen to it here if you’d like while you read:

That’s just generally true for all things going on in my life right now. My way of thinking must change… my way of acting must change. My life has to change. I just hope it’s for the best.

I realized that the way I was going, I wasn’t ready for significant change (the one I wanted) to happen anyway. Life would have been an eternal purgatory of waiting. And I despise waiting. AZ is going to do some life changing with me. It’s so weird as I gear up for change, it seems that my parents, as much as they’d LIKE to change… have unwilling gears that refuse to shift into motion. I woke up one morning and they were old… and I’m raising them. What a powerless position.

Last time I had this much change it set the stage for my life for the next few years. I remember Kadija gave me a change medallion. And I put it on… and all in one week, I found out that J was cheating on me, my parents had cancer and my job was in jeopardy. So I took it off at the end of the week and said… okay… that’s enough change. But I don’t need the medallion, do I? It’s going to happen whether I want it to or not.

I’m praying for AP tonight. Stuff has reverted… and he needs the light.

I cornered my baby tonight and had my way with him *tee hee* I love him. Don’t think that will ever change.