Week 39: Dreams of My Daughter

Well, that’s it… unless this little one makes a break for it this weekend, we are scheduled to meet her on Wednesday, June 29th at 10AM.  I’m super excited about it, a little scared, worried that I’ll mess something really important up and overall… OVERJOYED.

I’ve been wracked with weird dreams lately… most of them I can’t remember fully but always remembering that in them, I meet some version of this little cherub.  Sometimes good and leaves me feeling refreshed when I wake up and of course there are the dreams that leave me with a sinking feeling in my stomach that I did something drastically wrong.

I’ve been learning to be easier on myself with all that I think might have gone wrong with this pregnancy.  But at the end of the day – I took all my medicines every single day – give or take 5 or so days out of 10 months.  I tried to eat as healthily as I could and manage my cravings for things I shouldn’t have like sugar or excessive fat.  I made a concerted effort to sleep on my left side for the last 10 months to increase the oxygen and blood flow to her.  I lessened activity and started wearing flats around the 8th month so as to take it easy on myself.  I mean… I know that most mothers think this in the back of their heads but… crack whores give birth to healthy babies and don’t even try HALF AS MUCH effort.  Not that this should be the standard.   But the point being that I shouldn’t assume that everything will be wrong with this little one.  I did my very best.  And judging by how active and the measurements despite the adversities…. I didn’t do poorly.  She looks to be about 7lbs when she comes out this week – which is a good size especially considering I was battling GD and the risk was that she’d come out too big.  Her lung functionality should be in place because last week wednesday her L/S level was at 2.3 which should put her at above 2.5 when she comes out this week so, hopefully no NICU for her.  The blood flow to her brain ratio was 1.09 on Thursday which impressed the doctor – after we worried that the blood clots that were forming in the placenta might hinder some of that.  And overall… she’s been a calm (yet active), happy little someone in there.  We’ve both not gone through mood swings (except when it related to talks about my mom and grandma and how much I miss them).  Cravings were under control.  I have yet to see my feet swell from edema.  Not one mention of “bedrest” when I was sure I’d be laid up.

This? has been a GREAT pregnancy and I had wonderful professionals holding my hand down this path.  Even when they would frustrate the hell out of me with their sometimes lack of communication… they knew what they were doing and made sure I walked the right path to assure this little one’s arrival.

What a difference 2 years can make.  This time in 2009… I was recovering from my abdominal myomectomy.  What held up position in my uterus right prior were 14 useless masses of stunted growth and dreams deferred… stress and poor living.  Making it impossible to conceive and sustain.  Since them being cleared out and going through one failed round of IVF… Here I am – naturally conceived this little one… and grew her up…  Despite  the pitfalls…. Placental Previa.  Gestational Diabetes. Thrombophila.  Anemia. Clots in the Placenta. 4 Fibroids growing in there with her.   Despite all of that… she dances and twirls and poses for paparazzi when we do our ultrasound and even smiles.

THANK YOU LORD!!!  All things truly balance out in the world.  You promised me that after rain and the darkest night, I’d see the light and glory if I remained faithful.  All glory goes to you, GOD.  THANK YOU for this AMAZING gift.  I am HUMBLED and GRATEFUL!

4 days to go.

AMEN.

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