I was consumed with lonliness today I don’t know how else to put it. No matter what I did I managed to stay alone even if that’s not how I wanted to be. I participated in the Breast Cancer walk today. 5 miles and most of it spent alone. I turned my thoughts to my … Read More
birthday calls have been coming in since 9:00. I really feel loved. My mom looked at me last night with this look of… “Wow… my baby is all grown up” and it felt really amazing. Thinking about it makes me tear up… because the same way she’ll always look at me and see her baby… … Read More
I might have done better if I stayed home today. It’s been one of those days. Nothing about me is right. I’m mad at my self for looking the way I do… living my life financially the way I have. Today, there’s nothing anyone can tell me that will make me feel like anything more … Read More
I stayed home sick today. I always wonder if the folks at work really believe me when I call in. Then I ask my self if I really care. I guess if they were so concerned, they’d call. But a co-worker of mine out in LA got fired for lying about his whereabouts on a … Read More
I aimlessly spend my days and nights searching for attention. I just want someone to notice me…. To the point where if the little cat on my screen for my Office 2000 meows at me… I get happy. She smiles at me… and I feel like someone’s paying attention. I don’t need 24 hour watch… … Read More
It’s gotten to the point where the memories don’t even make me so much as smile anymore. Memories of fond things I did with Sug and Max… sweet memories of loves past… barely even memories of my childhood running hot and cold. I look upon all of them with my minds eye and stare at … Read More
It is now 1:52 PM and I’m stuck in this airport. I really want to go home. I can’t stand this. I feel really sick from last night’s festivities and my body is wreaking havoc on me. I just spoke with Jean and Shawn and they are on their own agendas (as if I should … Read More