So tired today…

Author: iam
Date: February 19, 2004
Categories: bad day, esteem, what in the entire hayle

So tired today… consumed with the thought that the world is full of masochists. or folks who don’t value themselves. everyone seems to want carrie to get back with big. for what? 6 more years of being led astray but definitely away from real happiness? just feigned, fleeting moments of ignorant bliss that are just … Read More

Feel Free

Author: iam
Date: November 20, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, good times, growing, love & marriage

There’s gonna be a morning when I wake up and FEEL free. I drag myself out of bed every morning. I dread going to the bathroom. I hate getting on the train. Is it supposed to be like this for 40 years? Is this what they were talking about in the business. Can I do … Read More

News Trends

Author: iam
Date: November 17, 2003
Categories: bad day, esteem, figuring it out, growing, love & marriage

News trends…. from the AMNY Free News Paper in NY. Page 2 – Spits out of Coma: “A local television reporter has emerged from a coma, two months after she was struck in the side of the head by the side mirror of a passing van while covering a story in Harlem… She said she … Read More

Pling!

Author: iam
Date: November 7, 2003
Categories: bad day, esteem, figuring it out, mischief, why am i doing this again?

I’m sitting here listening to Shuggie Otis’ Inspiration Information and I’m marveling at what music can do. Take you back mentally to a place that you had long forgotten. What is this new feeling that I feel now? This… yearning to go back there just to feel it again. Whatever I was feeling back then. Used … Read More

Last Night on my own… for now.

Author: iam
Date: November 4, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, what in the entire hayle

Mom and dad come back tomorrow. And I’m relieved. I kinda feel like I’ve been holding my breath until they come back in some kind of show of maturity and ability. But I’m good to exhale now. If for no other reason then a resolution to my fear. I’m horribly nervous in this space and … Read More

Light

Author: iam
Date: October 21, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, good day, growing

I feel much less burdened today. Although I’m very tired. Today was a day with my soul set on God. I didn’t deviate from it. I felt really clean and airy. I slept moderately well yesterday (despite the bit of nausea last night while I slept… but my baby tells me that he was also … Read More

Operation Clean Heart

Author: iam
Date: October 20, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, good day, growing, worship

Today’s Soundtrack: Create In Me a Clean Heart – Donnie McClurkin I took a personal health (mental, that is) today and I just cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And it’s amazing what that does. I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Tossing and turning about and swearing that something was in the room with me. … Read More

Passion

Author: iam
Date: October 18, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, love & marriage, why am i doing this again?

Passion Everywhere I go I see people with passion. In their lives, for their work, in their loves… and they look consumed. Possessed. All I can do is wonder if life is really living without it. Can you live passionateless and be fulfilled? I went out with Sugie tonight and we ended up at a … Read More

Quest for Meaning

Author: iam
Date: October 8, 2003
Categories: esteem, figuring it out, growing

My quest for meaning I had dinner with AZ today. It was definitely an eye opener. We sat and talked about the events from my birthday and everything that has happened (or not) since. We talked about relationships and settling and folks finding their soulmates and being ready for their soul mates and living happily … Read More